The Biggest Mistakes Owners Make When Bonding with Their Dog (And How to Avoid Them)

A Framework for Manifesting 'Mans Best Friend'.

I received the most beautiful compliment the other day.

I was sitting in a café with Luca when an acquaintance, after watching us for some time, interjected that they had never seen a connection between a person and a dog ‘like that.’ They said, ”the bond you two share is really special.”

That warmed my heart, y’all. Our bond is special. And it’s extra special to me when someone who hardly knows us can see that, too.

The human-animal bond, or the connection we share with our pets, is one of the more beautiful things we get to experience in this life.

When you get a new dog, forging a strong connection with them will be the single most important thing you do. From there, everything flows. But if you fail to establish a strong connection with your dog, not only will you be missing out on the most beautiful aspect of pet ownership, but you may encounter a number of problems down the line.

• Poor recall

• Delayed learning

• Defiance or conditional listening

• Behavioral issues

• Poor socialization or aggression

^ just to name a few.

Similar to children and their parents, the bond your dog forms with you also serves as the blueprint for their connection with other people. Dogs that are poorly bonded to their owners may not be as trusting of other people, less likely to interact, or exhibit fear and aggression. They may also feel less confident as they interact with and explore their new world.

Unfortunately, there are several mistakes I see quite commonly among owners trying to bond with their new dog.

Where Owners Go Wrong (And What to Do Instead)

Most people don’t even realize it, but in their daily interactions with their dog, they’re making some common yet easily avoidable mistakes that weaken their bond over time. Once you understand what these missteps are, you can start taking the right actions to build a loving and lasting bond with your dog.

Here are three of the biggest mistakes holding people back:

Mistake 1: Relying on Treats

Over-reliance on treats leads to a transactional relationship.

This is the biggest mistake that people make. If you constantly reward with treats, your dog will start performing actions only for the reward rather than out of mutual respect, love, and desire for praise. You want to strengthen your dog’s connection with you, not the kibble. This can also result in defiance or conditional listening only when food is available.

Additional negative consequences:

• Poor nutrition

  • Treats are empty calories. Your dog should be getting the majority of their calories from a diet that is complete and balanced to meet their nutritional needs.

• Weight gain

  • Again, your dog should be getting the majority of its calories from a complete and balanced diet. If you cut back on food when offering treats, they won’t be getting adequate nutrition. But if you maintain their normal food portion and offer treats on top of that, they’ll become overweight.

• Risk of upset stomach

  • Dogs have very sensitive gastrointestinal systems. I can’t count the number of times that a dog ended up in the ER dehydrated with horrible diarrhea because he received a rich new treat that his belly couldn’t handle.

Rather than falling into this trap, you should:

Reward with love instead of treats.

Love is the best form of positive reinforcement — verbal praise; positive and excited facial expressions; a warm, loving, happy tone; and physical affection. And if you can’t cut them completely, balance treats with other forms of positive reinforcement like praise, petting, and play.

Food isn’t love, y’all!

Which brings me to the next mistake:

Mistake 2: Not Staying Present

Insufficient presence and attention can make your dog feel neglected.

Example: Petting your dog occasionally while distracted by your phone, scrolling while on walks, etc. Physically spending time with your dog doesn’t count if you’re not present and engaged with them.

Negative Consequences: This can lead to a dog feeling ignored, unloved, or alone. If they don’t feel loved and connected to you, they’ll be far less likely to listen to you. And if your dog doesn’t have its social and emotional needs met, they’ll also be more likely to exhibit behavioral issues.

Instead, try to be present with your dog and provide regular, undivided attention and affection.

• Show your dog they are important by being fully present during your interactions with them.

• Make eye contact.

• Talk to them.

• Dedicate specific times each day to focus solely on your dog. Leave your phone at home when you go for a walk.

• Engage in activities like cuddling and playing without distractions.

Mistake 3: Not Partaking in Shared Enjoyed Activities

No shared activities can lead to a weaker connection, boredom, and undesirable behavior.

An example of this would be only taking the dog out for quick bathroom breaks without engaging in any new, fun, or stimulating activities together. This can cause your dog to become bored, anxious, or even destructive due to lack of mental and physical stimulation.

Similar to human relationships, dog-human relationships are strengthened when you partake in shared enjoyed activities, explore new things, and learn and grow together.

A great way to strengthen your bond with your dog is to do things together that you can both enjoy.

• Hiking

• Swimming

• Camping

• Playing fetch (without your phone)

• Attending agility classes or independent training sessions (dogs love to learn!)

• Joining doggy meetups or social events

• Eating at a dog café

• Setting up doggy play dates with friends

Your Blueprint for Building a Deep Emotional Bond with Your Dog

Now that you understand the pitfalls to avoid, let's outline a proven process for building a loving and lasting bond with your dog:

Step 1: Establish a routine

• Set consistent times for feeding, walking, and playing. Dogs thrive when they know what to expect from you.

Step 2: Reward with love and praise.

• Ditch the treats and reward with praise and affection. Your dog should listen because they want to, not because they want a treat.

Step 3: Stay present, warm, and attentive

• Dedicate specific times each day to interact with your dog without distractions. Regularly show your love through physical affection like pets and cuddles. Stay attuned to their needs and know when to support them.

Step 4: Engage in shared activities

• Find and regularly partake in activities you both enjoy. If every time you leave the house you’re leaving your dog home, you’re doing something wrong.

Step 5: Set firm boundaries

• If I had to add a bonus mistake to the list above, it would be failure to set boundaries. While it is important to be warm, loving, and emotionally attuned to your dog, you also can’t let them walk all over you. You’re the boss, and they should know that.

Building a strong bond/connection with your dog is the most beautiful (and most important) thing you will do as a pet owner.

Without a strong bond, none of the training classes or practices will work. By being aware of the most common mistakes and implementing the step-by-step plan outlined above, you'll foster a stronger connection with your dog, strengthen their confidence, achieve your training goals with greater ease, and set them up for other successful relationships.

And before you know it, people will be turning to YOU in the café remarking on how wonderful your dog is.

Big hugs,

Dr. Sami

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